to be seen

7am traffic and an unforecast morning rain. Great. My first day hair won't last 5 minutes in this humidity.

The, "hey, just checking in!" phone call I received yesterday from the unit educator confirmed today would be like most traveler orientations: new badge, parking pass, meet with leadership, unit tour, online education modules until I decompose. Ugh. 45 minutes later — donning shiny new placards across our chests — we sat in the unit conference room making small talk. The faint cries of self importance echoing in the background. 

She spoke all about the unit's infrastructure and culture in that gleeful way that educators do. I faded in and out, searching for something to attach myself to. My eyes landed on two Sterilite bins full of travel-sized toiletries. The familiarity of them made me smile. Memories of past patients + families rolled in; my smile widened.  

"We have a drawer in the unit full of products for African American hair too." I sat up tall, head tilted slightly in astonishment. "We did a few focus groups with families of our patient's and it came to our attention that we weren't caring for all of our patient's equally. In particular our Black patients. Of course, nobody wants to hear that. You want to shrink from your racial biases and shout, 'yes we do!' but, we weren't. We weren't washing our Black patient's hair; simply because we didn't know how. Kids that were with us for weeks; months. Instead of challenging our (White) selves and asking, we just didn't do it at all. We expected that it was 'someone else's job' and we used not having the right tools as a crutch." Tears formed in the corners of my eyes. "We acknowledge that our nursing staff isn't reflective of our diverse patient population. We understand now how much of a difference it makes for patient's to see nurses that look like them within these walls." It was like fresh air, but I couldn't exhale what was already in my lungs.

She went on to say that the unit had started a book club; nurses could choose between 'The Hate You Give' or another book she couldn't remember off hand.  "Some are really excited about it, some not." Uncomfortability. "Well. Growth comes from being uncomfortable", she added. I couldn't agree more. 

Today was NOTHING like most orientations.